"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

--CS Lewis

If your reading this then you know the drama that has surrounded us for the last three months.  I will not go into details read front page of web page or check Ron’s my face page for more details. I think as people or maybe it’s just me we want everything in nice packages with little ribbons.  Ron and I have talked until their are no words left. “The Why ?’s”  As finite people with God destiny we do our best to connect all the dote but in the end of it all you are left with a guess of mental capacities of the why answer. Ron and I have never accused God of unfairness or asked why the house feels like a living repetition of the book of Job.

My focused has been a little different these days. Where do I want to be in the future and what can I gain as I pick up the pieces and walk away from all of this?

I have seen friends handle grief and determined very soon after the girls and Keshon were gone depression was not were I would go. Have a friend I grew up with we were PG together her with her twin boy me with Daniel.  A couple of years ago she lost one of her sons in a motorcycle accident was killed instantly. She went into a deep depression. She will not leave her bedroom.

Not for me.  I may hurt but my God is the God who heals and all of the kids are better in his care than mine. I do not have time to entertain depression. Have I felt depression during this time. Yes, but I have fought it. I will not spend the rest of my life in therapy because I am fixated on their loss.  Neither will every year celebrations be tainted by loss. If we have a hope of glory and our life is not thief temporal place I better celebrate every years with the joy of knowing they are happy.  God gave us the privilege to love and parent some pretty special kids. If I remember the celebration of  their birthdays by mourning their deaths it cheapens God’s gift to me.

My focused lately has been “What God do you want me to learn from all this?” What possible growth?” “God you have my attention what's up?”   Maybe that is what I will leave this whole thing with. For the first time in our lives we know that we a part of the body of Christ.  We knew we were with head knowledge. Never have really found a place that we fit into. Part of it is we are a little different, round pegs for square holes. Without the body of Christ I am not sure if we really could have made it this far. Right now  this is a  chance for God to have our total attention to clean house. Where He was talking to us before,  now he has our undivided attention and every breath rests on Him.  

Thank you again standing with us.

Letting me cry on some of your shoulders.

I will still be doing that.

But grief will not consume me.

Jenny

"I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18).